I Don't Understand...

Puma says her name is Memo, but some people say she has a different name. That girl says Puma's name is Milty, but then what is Milty's name? Things are very complicated and confusing right now.

Morning Mamu

Sometime I like to run home from the club. It's good exercise and I can usually do it in less than 24 hours. Sometimes a guy in a van offers to give me a ride. Today I listened to Flight of the Concords on my phone. They're the greatest!

A Friend In Need

A special blog reader is going through some tough times.

When I'm feeling down, I like to sing loudly, "LALALALALALALALA!"

Mother's Day

On the top shelf is a special photo of a group of mothers sitting at a table.
El dia de la mortos!

World Penguin Day

If I had one wish that I could wish this World Penguin Day it would be for all the penguins of the world to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace. 

If I had two wishes that I could wish for this World Penguin Day, the first would be for all the penguins of the world to join hands and sing in the spirit of harmony and peace.. and the second would be for $30 million a month to be given to me, tax-free in a Swiss bank account. 

You know, if I had three wishes that I could make this World Penguin Day, first, of course, would be for all the penguins to get together and sing.. the second would be for the $30 million every month to me.. and the third would be for all encompassing power over every living being thing in the entire universe. 

And if I had four wishes that I could make this World Penguin Day, first would be the crap about the penguins.. second would be for the $30 million.. the third would be for all the power.. and the fourth would be to set aside one month each year for an extended 31-day orgasm, to be brought about slowly by Rosanna Arquette and that model Paulina somebody, I can't think of her name, of course my lovely wife could come, too. She's behind me 100% on this, I guarantee you. 

Wait a minute, maybe that sex thing should be the first wish! So, if I made that the first wish, because, you know, it could all go boom tomorrow, and then what have you got? No, no.. the penguins singing would be great, that would be nice. No, no, who am I kidding! I mean, they're not gonna be able to get all those penguins together! I mean, the logistics of the thing is impossible! It's more trouble than it's worth! So, we reorganize: here we go. First, the sex - we go with that; second, the money. No! We go with the power second, then the money, and then the penguins. Oh, wait, oh geez! I forgot about revenge against my enemies! Okay.. revenge against all my enemies, they should die like pigs in Hell! That would be the fourth wish! And of course, my fifth wish would be for all the penguins of the world to join hands and sing in the spirit of peace and harmony. Thank you, everybody.

Milty's Birthday

For his birthday, Milty did not go to West Virginia. But one time Hugsy visited West Virginia and he rode a train.

Yoga

Milty and I like to do yoga everyday. A lot of times Hugsy watches us do yoga and wishes he could do yoga but he doesn't understand yoga.

Ho

Ho ho ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho? Ho ho. Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho. Ho ho ho ho ho ho. Ho ho ho ho!

Hat Day

Today is that girl's birthday. On birthdays we like to wear hats. Sometimes for a party and sometimes because it's cold. That's why it's called "hat day." Happy Hat Day!

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is a holiday like Halloween. Last year for Halloween we were Mexico.

Milty's Birthday

For his birthday, Milty got cake AND fish. Penguins LOVE to eat fish. One time Milty drew a picture of a fish and MelVee ate it. Milty cried because he wanted to eat it. But penguins shouldn't eat paper fish. It makes our poop white and sometimes even bloody.

David Schwimmer

Friends (stylized as F•R•I•E•N•D•S) was an American television sitcom, created by David Crane and Marta Kauffman, which aired on NBC from September 22, 1994, to May 6, 2004, lasting ten seasons. It starred David Schwimmer. We were very lucky to get him to appear in this video of our "friends." 

Heath Issues

One time Kitty the Penguincat spilled some Mountain Dew on the Bed. Bravo the Elephant had to hurry and get toilet paper to clean it up before Milty drank it because he might be diabetic and shouldn't drink things with such high sugar content.